Gray Wolf
by AtheneNoctua023
Summary: Commander Gray Shepard is a survivor. Nick-named the Lone Wolf after surviving Akuze, she must come to terms with the tragedy she has suffered through and prove to herself that she can save the galaxy from Saren and the Reapers. Follows Shepard pre-ME1 through ME3. Paragon, Spacer, Sole-survivor. Slightly AU in early pre-ME1 chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Well this is my first attempt at Fanfiction. Please feel free to comment and constructive criticism is always welcome. The first four chapters are pre-Normandy and slightly AU, but if you stick with it and you will hit the familiar story we all know and love soon. I still think these early chapters are important, if anything then to get you a feel for Shepard and some of the hardships she's been through. This Shep is a paragon, spacer, sole survivor. Of course Bioware owns everything, well done them.

* * *

I was told to stay in the cabin. Mom told me to stay inside so I wouldn't get in anyone's way. This had happened before. The SSV Einstein had responded to Batarians raids on human colonies for weeks now. This time though, it was different. It was hard to ignore the frantic voices outside the cabin door or the stomp of rushing feet that passed by. I pressed my ear against the cold metal of the door, straining to hear pieces of conversation through the thick steel.

"Shit!"

"On the double! Get every soldier down there…we need to…."

"The Batarians already…"

"Shit!"

"Lieutenant Zabaleta! Get the MAKO running now!"

Pulling away from the door, I started pacing. Debating on violating my mother's command and trying to help. I wanted to. Oh, how badly I wanted to. I was still naïve and cocky enough to think the help of little 16-year-old me could make a difference. But I was a military brat through and through. I had my orders: Stay in the cabin.

"Dammit" I muttered while sinking into the soft couch. I was just sitting there, hands clasped dwelling on what was taking place just a few hundred miles away. I shot up and moved over to the only window in the cabin. I raised the shutter doors. Slowly the grey metal shutters lifted and Mindoir came into view, swirls of green and blue scattered across the grey planet surface. I couldn't see the battle. I stared out the window for ages, as if eventually my gaze could penetrate miles of space and discover what was going on. I did see some small fighters and shuttles now and again heading to the planet surface but those provided no clue about the fate of the colony. Reluctantly I returned to the couch, resigned in my situation of helplessness.

* * *

A few hours later, the cacophony of battle faded from the ship. Orders weren't being yelled out from outside my door, nor were soldiers running to and fro like mad dogs. Instead, a deep quiet settled over the ship. I made my way back to the view port. I saw the transport shuttles returning to our docks. _Holy hell, I can finally go out now_, I remember thinking. It was time for me to investigate. Cautiously, I poked my head out into the hallway. The normally bustling corridor was eerily silent, deserted. I walked out and toward the mess; someone is always there so I figured I could at least find out how the fight went. As soon as I pushed those double doors open a flood of noise hit me. Frantic, raised voices permeated the air. I strode out into the hall… people spreading around me like a wave. I saw all the familiar faces of the crew, some clearly on missions to grab provisions and medical supplies from the med bay. Others were talking among themselves, discussing the fight in hushed tones, or laying on the floor waiting for medical attention. I caught a glimpse of a small group of strangers huddled together on benches. I made my way towards them, snagging snippets of conversation,

"I can't believe we found them"

"The Batarians had so much fire power…. they never stood a chance"

"… so many left"

I had no idea how truly horrible this raid was, but I knew from those bits that there was no victory. Not really. Although most of the soldiers came back, the Batarians won that day. My invincible view of the Alliance came crashing down when I saw only 7 survivors, all battered and broken. Only 7…there must have been thousands before the raid. Can you imagine it!? Thousands of people. Together, happy. Only to have that destroyed in a matter of seconds. And we couldn't save them. That was one of the most disheartening moments of my life.

I refocused my gaze on the few survivors. How could I help them? I had no idea what they just went through…but after some thought I made my way over to the benches. They needed help somehow and I wasn't doing anything just standing there like an ape. I walked past a lone man who was gripping is arm to stop the bleeding until a medic could see him. An elderly couple locked in a tense embrace, eyes shut tight. There was a little girl, alone, crying into her sleeve, eyes bloodshot and desperate. Greg, the cook, sat down next to the little girl, pulling out some of the chocolate he kept hidden away in his cabinets. I knew she was in good hands. Greg was so kind, always slipping me sweets when I stole into the mess late at night after a row with Mom. Finally I made my way to the last of the survivors, tucked away in the back corner of the mess. It appeared as though they were blocking off any outsider with two of them protectively hovering around something.

"Hey Ben! Where is that guy? The one you put on my shuttle? I don't know where he went…I think he was shot" I heard someone shout over the ocean of voices. _Wait…someone's shot_? I panned my gaze over everything nearby. I couldn't see any blood. I thought it was odd that no one had noticed someone with a gunshot wound yet. Carefully, I moved closer to the last group of survivors. I saw a boy, sitting slightly away from a girl and their mother, not paying attention while they were clearly preoccupied with something. The women were frantically talking to each other. The noise of the mess hall was so loud that I only hear what they were saying when I was within a few feet of them.

"Shit Mom hold on tighter!"

"I'm trying but he just keeps bleeding and it's making my hands slip. Do you think the Batarians are still after us?"

"Bradley! I need you to go get help! BRADLEY!" The girl was practically screaming at her brother but he didn't budge. His blue eyes staring right in front of him, glazed over and oblivious to the world. _Holy hell…It's them …they have the bleeding guy…. Why the fuck hasn't anyone noticed yet_!?

Spurred into action, I turned and ran until I found Ivan. He was Dad's assistant. I pulled him as quickly as I could to the family. I let him go and approached the girl.

"Hey I brought some help!" She whipped her head around as soon as I lightly touched her shoulder. Her dark, chestnut eyes wild with fear and distrust.

"I'm here to help!" I said as fast as I could. I was hoping she wasn't about to tear my eyes out or something. I kept my eyes locked with hers, watching for the moment when she would realize I wasn't a Batarian and they weren't alone on Mindoir anymore. She looked away only for a second then our eyes reconnected. Those deep brown pools shone with intensity, but the fear was gone. In its place was desperation. I breathed a sigh of relief. Just glad she wasn't going to start strangling me. Ha, I bet I would've been beaten to a pulp too. She's got some fire in her…sorry… off topic. Anyway, I grabbed Ivan and roughly shoved him toward the man lying on the ground. Ivan took one look and turned back, his face pale and concerned.

"Ah shit… Shep, go get Laurie and your dad! I will try to help hold off the bleeding until you guys get back…. Hurry!" Ivan and the girl started pressing down around the wound on the man's abdomen, along with the girl's mother who was still rambling about Batarians. I caught a glimpse of the man who was shot. He was whiter than snow, lying there limply, with deep red seeping out. I whirled around and dove into the throng of people. Suddenly I managed to run into Laurie.

"Laurie. Thank god! Ivan needs you and dad over there! There's a guy bleeding like crazy from a gunshot!" I spoke so fast it was a miracle she caught every word. Probably adrenaline. She intercepted Joe, a marine who was carrying blankets toward the elderly couple, and they sprinted off towards Ivan and the family. I searched through the crowd. _Where the hell was he_? I moved haphazardly, scanning faces as I went, looking for my father's short black hair, listening for his commanding voice. Then I spotted him hunched over Adam. I sprinted up to him.

"Dad! I need your help. Ivan, Laurie and Joe are trying to deal with a man…. with a bad gunshot wound to the stomach! Please come!" I had to stop myself from grabbing his lab jacket and dragging him to the bleeding man.

"Just let me finish this alright" Dad put up one hand and tried to wave me away, obviously engrossed in wrapping up Adam's foot so it would set correctly.

"No Dad. The…. the guy's lost a ton of blood already…please" I never beg. I also never say 'No' to my parents. Dad knew it was really serious then. He called over another one of his assistants, quickly debriefed him on Adam's situation. Dad then grabbed my shoulder and turned me around to guide him to the bleeding man. Once we reached them I backed away, giving Dad, Laurie and Ivan space to maneuver. Dad had Ivan and Joe lift the man up, while Laurie and him still provided pressure to the wound. Slowly they made their way to the med bay and Dad immediately began prepping for surgery. I stayed stock still the whole time.

Once they were out of sight I unfroze. I turned and looked at the girl. She had her arms wrapped around her mother, who was sobbing and incoherently muttering something into her daughter's shoulder. I wanted to help. I tried to think of something to say but my mind was blank. The girl looked up from her distraught mother and stared at me, her tawny eyes glossy with fresh tears. I couldn't look away. I hoped I got there in time. I couldn't stand the thought of this family suffering more. I gave the girl a small smile. Suddenly, a strong hand gripped my arm and swung me around. I was face-to-face with my mother. _Shit_.

"Graym! What did I say about staying in the cabin? Go there right now. I need the medics to do their jobs without you gaping and standing around" And with that she placed her hands on my shoulders and marched me towards the mess's double doors. I tried to peer over and look back at the girl but by then the sea of people had drifted between us.


	2. Chapter 2

I remember that night tossing and turning. Those expressive, sad brown eyes haunted my dreams. When I finally caved in and got up I saw that Mom and Dad were out. You know, I don't know if I've really told you much about them.

Dad was a doctor, and a great one at that. He could be a rather quiet man at times but everyone knew he really cared about the crew. He was also the type of person that anyone could relax and have a beer with, always telling jokes and stories once they got him started. I definitely looked up to him growing up. He had a profound sense of duty and responsibility, but also the ability to connect to people. He was a quiet leader. Not one who makes a scene, he was never about vain ambition, but who will take charge using logic and reason. I respected him so much for that; he was never concerned with his position or power, but wanted to make sure he could provide the best care for everyone. I was always told that I resemble him. I think that always made us rather close. I remember spending weekends watching old mystery vids and trying to figure out the killer before the other one. I miss him.

Anyway, my mom is a bit different from him. She is much more organization and control oriented. That's not to say she didn't put the crew first, both her and dad did, but they just had different ways of doing so. However, she was excellent at her job… a great XO. We were close when I was younger, but… things between us got…complicated.

Where was I? Right, I had just gotten up and noticed they weren't in the cabin. So after breakfast and a quick shower, I made my way towards the Med Bay. I figured Dad was busy helping the refugees so maybe he would know where I could find the family.

Finally I maneuvered around the chaos of crew members that still flooded the mess hall and entrance to the Med Bay. I slowly eased the door open. The smell of antiseptic washed over me as I stepped into the brightly lit room.

"Graym what are you doing here?" Dad came striding over with his hands held up, indicating he was in the middle of a semi-sterile procedure. I felt guilty and embarrassed. Why was I compelled to find these people again? Well since I was there I just got up the courage and told him I wanted to help with the refugees, keeping to myself my ultimate motivation for my visit. I guess he figured he could use the help, cause he sent me to inform the family that the father's surgery had been successful, but it was not all good news.

Dad ushered me out of the Med Bay. I was stunned. First off, I couldn't believe my luck that he told me where I could find the girl I dreamed about. But this knowledge was tainted by the fact by what I would have to tell her and her family. I mean it could have been worse. It's not like the father died.

I meandered my way to the crew lounge, where the family was staying. They were huddled around a table, quietly murmuring to one another. I cleared my throat and slowly approached them. Three pairs of eyes shot up and bore into me. The woman had a small motherly figure. Her kind eyes were watery with exhaustion and stress. The boy was taller than the women of his family. His blond hair was unruly and he was developing a bit of a 5 o'clock. His eyes were still glazed, not quite meeting mine. The only pair I connected to was hers. Those intricate, complex auburn eyes.

"Umm... Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you, but I have news on your father and husband" I had tried to remain calm, but I was already a stuttering mess.

"Oh, he's my ex-husband but how is he?" the woman asked. The boy and girl rolled their eyes at their mother's unnecessary volunteering of irrelevant information. Now, that made me thoroughly flustered.

"Well….um….he ….he is alive and….doing well con-considering the circumstances….but he has suffered from internal damage from the gunshot. He may have chronic pain or other health problems ….I'm so sorry."

As soon as I gave my speech, which I had rehearsed in my head the whole way there, I did an about-face and started to bolt. Right as I reached the door out of the lounge, I felt a light touch on my arm. I snapped around and my eyes locked with the beautiful girl.

"Thank you for everything. Without you getting Dad help, he may not even be alive."

I felt a lingering tingle where she touched my arm for hours.

Within the next few days after the Mindoir Raid, the SSV Einstein decided to evacuate the airspace and to move the refugees to the Alliance headquarters on Vancouver. The voyage would take a few days and until then the refugees were given small easy tasks around the ship for distraction. Idle time can be more damaging than a high-risk situation sometimes.

Somehow, I always got stuck with laundry duty, and this time was no exception. I walked in to the laundry room and was shocked to find someone already working in there.

"Well thanks, I usually don't get company on this job" I was trying to be suave, but apparently that didn't come across quite that way.

"Oh sorry I just thought I could help out some. Wanted to keep busy you know? I'm sorry if I'm in your way, here I can go!"

As soon as she spoke, I recognized that melodic voice. She quickly turned around from the laundry she was folding. I really looked at her for the first time. She was beautiful. She had dark, wavy brown hair that cascaded down past her shoulders. Her smooth skin was slightly tanned from all the colonial work she had done over the years. She was about the same height as me, but it fit her. She had a slight frame that made me want to wrap her in my arms and protect her. Silly I know.

"Oh no! I didn't mean anything, feel free to stay and help if you want. I've always been shit at laundry anyway so I bet the crew would be really grateful" I flashed her a grin. She gave a half-hearted smile back and returned to the task at hand.

At first I tried to work too. I was trying to figure out how not to be awkward. I didn't want to pressure her into conversation. Fortunately for me, she broke the silence first.

"If you don't mind me asking…. what is your name?"

"It's Shepard. But I suppose that could get confusing with mom being XO Shepard and my dad being Dr. Shepard. Not many people call me Graym, that's pretty much for my parents and when I'm in trouble. I answer to the usual…Shepard, Shep…Hey you" I joke and ramble when I'm nervous.

"I'm Emma." Emma. I remember whispering her name. I loved the way it felt rolling off my tongue. Emma.

Well…Hi. Emma" I flashed her another goofy grin. She giggled. That was the best sound. It filled up the room. I had to get her to smile and laugh again.

"So Graym, are you always this awkward when meeting new people or is it just me?"

"Oh I'm always this awkward. It keeps people on their toes" At this point I had been struggling with a fitted sheet for a few minutes with no hope of success. Emma let out a soft, playful sigh. She reached across me, plucked the sheet from her hands and magically folded it into a perfect square.

"Teach me your ways"

Again, she chuckled and the rest of the day she proceeded to pass on her laundry knowledge, as well as just more about herself, before the raid. After dinner, I took a chance and invited her to come to my classes with me the next day. She eagerly accepted. I was ecstatic; I could barely sleep that night in anticipation of spending the day with Emma.


	3. Chapter 3

Classes were really just personalized lessons from various crew members for me and only one other kid on the Einstein that was around my age, Colin. Normally classes were bland but when Emma came, everything seemed exciting. We stole glances at each other whenever we could. Suddenly, school became like a game. How little could I pay attention to the information, still understand it, and for how long could I get away with whispering to Emma before getting caught. Eventually, the lessons were over and I had to go back and do my chores before Mom returned to our cabin. I wanted to do this every day. The more I learned about her and was around her, the more I didn't want Emma to leave. I knew in a couple of days though, their family would disembark at Vancouver and I would never see her again. It was selfish of me to want to keep her with me, but she was the only real friend I had had in a long time.

Two days later, the rest of the troops that were down on Mindoir were called back to the Einstein. I saw their horrified faces as they walked in through the airlock. There were no more survivors. We left for Vancouver as soon as possible, hoping Alliance Headquarters there could help put the refuges back on their feet.

* * *

I caught a break once we reached Vancouver. The Einstein docked for the day, giving the chance for the refugees to leave and for a small bit of shore leave for the rest of the crew. I stayed on board, sitting on the couch in our cabin, gazing out the window and counting the ships that flew by for hours. Then, a small, timid knock sounded throughout the small room. At first I thought I was hearing things, but then it came again, slightly stronger this time. As soon as the door slid open, I was engulfed in a bone-crushing hug.

"Guess what?" Emma asked, still holding on to me.

"What?" I laughed. I don't think I could've stopped the grin that was plastered to my face.

"We are staying on the Einstein! This means we can take classes together and go exploring and do all kinds of stuff!"

"You're kidding? That's awesome!"

It turns out her mother was a medic on the colony and what with the Einstein helping refugees from various raids across the Verge, the Commander requested her assistance. So her family was allowed to stay aboard and like that they became part of the crew.

* * *

Over the next few weeks Emma and I became as thick as thieves. We explored every inch of the ship, ate most of meals together, played card games, hell she even got me to sing with her a few times. She brought me out of my very tight shell and helped me experience life in a way I never imagined.

One day, the Einstein stopped at docked at a small human colony on Watson. Emma and I decided to spend the day exploring. We meandered around the forest on the outskirts of the colony. The tall trees covered in mossy grey bark surrounded us. I loved that place. You could smell the pine needles that covered the ground, softening each footstep. Birds sung quietly as they flitted through the trees. I closed my eyes and just immersed myself in nature. I was a spacer kid, and whenever we did have shore leave I stuck to my parents like glue, never getting out and exploring each amazing planet. I do regret that, but I'm so grateful Emma opened my eyes to all the wonders I missed when I was younger. Anyway, we continued to mosey around the forest, both of us enjoying each other's company. Then it started to rain. The steady gold drops of liquid came down through the expansive canopy and splashed down onto the soft ground. I stared up and watched, mesmerized. Then I felt a small soft hand slip into mine. I turned and faced Emma. She started laughing, that beautiful music filled every inch of my heart. Then a boom of thunder rolled through the forest. We both jumped, laughing at our fear, and began sprinting through the trees. We ran, giggling and soaked, until we found a small rocky outcrop we could hide under. We were huddled together under the tight cover, panting to catch our breath. I turned to face Emma and our eyes locked. Even though it was raining, there was still a bit sunlight shining through, hitting Emma just right to make her eyes turn dark gold. They were exquisite and I was completely lost in their depths.

"You're eyes are beautiful" I murmured softly. She turned away, blushing slightly, the moment gone. We sat next to each other under the outcrop, our shoulders touching, until the rain let up and we could walk back to the colony.

That night, after everyone else had gone to bed, I heard a knock against the door. Sleepily, I got up and smacked the switch to open the door. Emma stood in the doorway, framed by the light of the hallway. She had a mischievous grin as she told me to put on my fatigues and to meet her at the exit of the compound in ten minutes.

An hour later, the two of us were slowly scaling a nearby hill. Emma laid down as soon as she reached the top. She patted the ground next to her, beckoning for me to do the same. I clumsily maneuvered myself onto the cool grass next to her. I glanced up marveling at the dark indigo sky marred by thousands of white stars.

"The sky looks like Mindoir's" Emma said suddenly.

"It's beautiful. I've never gone wandering on shore leave ….or seen the stars like this. Thank you" I reached over and gave her small hands a gentle squeeze. We were silent for a while, simply gazing at the universe above us, when Emma spoke.

"The night the Batarians came the sky seemed tinted red rather than blue." I stayed quiet, waiting for Emma to continue. She never so much as mentioned the Batarians or the raid before that moment.

"It all happened so suddenly. One minute Bradley and I were at the market getting corn for dinner. The next….pure chaos. I remember Mrs. Sampsey being shot down right beside me. I pulled Bradley underneath the fruit stand table and moved the fruit crates to block us from view. We stayed there holding onto each other for hours. Bradley saw the Alliance first. As soon as he noticed them he darted out from our hiding place and rain towards the soldiers. When Bradley was about half way to the nearest soldier when I spotted _it_. The Batarian came out from behind the store. He had a gun leveled. I heard the shot. I remember screaming. The next thing I know, I see my brother standing tall looking down onto my father. Blood was pooling around his chest. The nearby Alliance soldier shot and killed the Batarian. I ran out to the boys and clamped my hand around Dad's wound. Mom came rushing up. It turns out they were hiding in the med center when Dad heard movement and went to investigate. It was Bradley moving the crates that he heard. The soldiers found us all huddled together. They ushered us to the nearest shuttle, but mom and I weren't aware of what was going on. I had tunnel vision. My only concern was to stop Dad from bleeding."

She took a ragged breath. I looked over and saw tears coating her golden eyes. I pulled her into a long hug, resting my head on her brunette curls. We stayed that way for hours. I rubbed her back until her breathing steadied and she drifted off to sleep. From that moment on, I knew I would do anything within my power to protect her.

* * *

We got closer with each passing day. One day we were watching a vid when she got bored. Naturally, this meant playfully spilling water on me and having a water fight instead. Suddenly I pinned her beneath me. Our eyes met and this time her gold eyes were pulling me in closer. I nuzzled my cheek against hers. Emma shot up, tears in her eyes and walked into the bathroom, leaving the door open and obviously crying. I carefully followed her. When I saw her staring at herself in the mirror, sobbing, I pulled her into a long embrace.

"What are we doing?" She asked me through her tears.

"Shhhhh, it's going to be okay" I tried to reassure her, running my fingers through her dark hair, but she quickly extracted herself from my arms and walked back into the other room. She turned off the vid and instead put on some quiet music. She laid back down, right were she was before she rushed off to the bathroom. She didn't meet my eyes as I slowly maneuvered myself, hovering over Emma. Cautiously I brought my face closer to hers. Then our lips met. In that one instant our lives had changed forever.


	4. Chapter 4

The years together flew by. For two years, we kept our relationship secret. Stolen kisses, encoded notes to each other, all of this made up our lives. It was thrilling and I was head over heals in love. She was my best friend.

When I turned 18, I decided to enlist like my parents. Before I went off for training Emma and I wanted to tell our parents of our relationship. I first told my father. He lightheartedly chuckled and said he had known for a while now. I asked him when I should tell my mother, she's a little old-fashioned sometimes and I did not know how she would handle me being involved with Emma. I mean it is the 22nd century, but she grew up in a very religious household with some rather archaic ideas. Dad's idea of helping was for me not to tell my mother of my relationship. Of course, I thought I knew better than him and decided to tell her anyway. Let's just say it was a disaster. She insulted Emma and her family, who had been struggling the past couple of years with her father's deteriorating health. She also made it sound like my sexual orientation was a choice. It really is sad that some of those mentalities still exist. My relationship with my mother was never the same.

* * *

Looking back on it that seemed to signify the start of a strain between Emma and I as well. I loved her more each day, but you could tell it hurt her that my mother disliked her so much. However, I always hoped that when we would leave for Alliance basic training things would get better.

We left and our first three years in the Alliance went really well. We were together and I could not have been happier. I had made friends with some of my unit, and she was getting involved with the medical corps of the Alliance.

Then, she was deployed to Eden Prime as a medics' assistant and I was sent off to Elysium.

At first, we handled long-distance well. We talked almost every night via vid com, sent messages on our omni-tools during the day. I thought we could make it.

Later that year, I went to visit her when I had some time off. Things just ….didn't go as planned. I wanted to be romantic and caring, but she seemed distance and tense. The trip ended up with us agreeing to break up. Although I agreed, I was devastated. My confidence was shattered. She told me that although she loved me, it had been as a best friend and not a partner for a few years. Apparently she had been lying to herself that we could make it. I mean, how do you bounce back from a blow like that. I found out in a matter of moments that the last five years of my life, that I cherished because I was with her, were...well... I….I still don't like to talk about that trip.

Safe to say, I didn't handle things well, which is why I started talking to Dr. Nelson. I realized my self-confidence problems went much farther back than Emma, but that our relationship wasn't helping. I was completely dependent on her. She was my life. Anyway, I threw myself into the Alliance; it was the only constant I really had left.

* * *

It was 2176. I had just gotten off a vid call with Mom and Dad. Mom and I argued some, but she was more cordial to me since Emma and I weren't together. That always made me bitter, but I didn't want that relationship to fall to shit too, so I kept my mouth shut. I had called them to tell them I had just been promoted to 1st lieutenant. I was rewarded with more good news as Dad told me he was going to be dispatched to Elysium in the next few days to help the clinic here, as our chief medic was retiring. I was so excited to see him.

A few weeks after he arrived, we fell into a routine. After work, I helped out as an engineer for the colony, I would get Dad from the clinic; we would vid chat with Mom and then talk or play cards. I loved the routine and renewed sense of family.

Then, they came. The pirates.

I was walking towards the clinic to pull Dad away from his work, when shots rang out. Dad came rushing out of the clinic and the two of us locked eyes, knowing we were in trouble.

We sprinted towards the sound of gunfire. I pulled out my Carnifex as we came around the backside of the clinic. It was a barrage of gunshots, screams, and chaos. Dad and I separated. I ran towards a few other Alliance soldiers while Dad hurried toward a downed civilian.

I gripped my pistol tightly, its cool, metal handle comforting in the heat of battle. I moved out from behind the barricade most of us were hiding behind. I managed to hit two pirates as I ran behind an overturned crate. I crouched down, the pistol now hot in my hands and sweat dripping from my brow. I was nervous as hell. This was the first real action I had seen. I tried to take a quick survey before I made any more moves. I spotted Dad ahead of me, kneeling down beside someone, bandages in his left hand. The only problem was he was completely vulnerable and perilously close to the new wave of incoming pirates. I had to get him and the civilian to cover.

"Dad I'm coming just hold on a sec!" I shouted over the gunfire. I motioned for Henry and Jordan to cover me. I counted to three, mentally preparing myself for the run. I had maybe 20 yards before I could reach him.

I bolted from behind the crate. I fired off a couple more shots, causing the pirates to momentarily disperse before I broke into an all-out sprint. I grabbed Dad from under the arms and tried to pull him back with me towards Jordan and Henry. He yanked himself out of my grip and launched himself toward the dying civilian. He grabbed ahold of the man and tried to hoist him up. Right as I started running back to my father, a shot rang out.

In slow motion, I saw Dad turn. He looked at me, his normal sharp green eyes foggy. _No_. I snapped out of my daze and reached him right as his legs buckled. I caught him before he slammed into the ground. He reached up and touched my face, seeing the tears brimming in my eyes.

"I'm. Proud. Of. You." He painfully eeked out the words.

"Dad don't….don't talk ok. I'm going to help you." I muttered through my closed throat. I started to pull him up and drag him, but he moved his hand to my shoulder.

"No. Don't.…..Run."

"Dad. I can't let you go"

"I love. You….And your. Mother. Never forget. That." I could see how much it hurt him to talk. My hand was pressed into his chest moving with every deliberate breath he took and trying to staunch the blood that was pouring out. Then, my hand stopped moving. I looked into those kind emerald eyes and saw nothing.

By this time Jordan and Henry had reached me, the whole time Dad was dying in my arms they were busy dealing with the pirates and making sure I didn't get shot too. I was blocking their sight when Dad got shot. If I had been thinking I would've tried to get out of their way so they could've adequately covered for us. What ifs don't matter now though. What happened happened. Dad's gone.

Jordan and Henry ripped me away from Dad. They hauled me back behind the clinic. I remember them shouting my name at me, but not registering it. Eventually Henry slapped me. I snapped out of it, shaking my head and looking between Henry and Jordan.

"Shepard! There are more civilians over by the barracks! We need to go get them before the mercs okay!"

"Thanks guys. Okay let's hurry"

I gripped my pistol and shoved all of my emotions and thoughts into the recesses of my brain, knowing I would have to deal with everything later but right now I had to save the rest of the colony. Or at least try to.

The rest is history I guess you could say. By the time we left Elysium, it seemed everyone had heard of how we were heroes of the Skyllian Blitz.

None of that mattered to me.

* * *

After a few weeks of leave, most of which I spent with mother, both of us coping over the loss of Dad, I got a message from Emma. She wanted to talk.

I agreed to shuttle over to Eden Prime and visit her. When I got there, her golden eyes were brimming with tears as she said how sorry she was about Dad. I then found out her father had died last month. By the end of the day we were both emotionally exhausted but we found comfort in each other's arms.

We reconnected. Honestly, I still loved her with all of my heart, but now I saw that she never loved me the same way. It is really hard to deal with, unrequited love. But we both needed the comfort of a good friend. So I spent the last few weeks of my leave with her. We really helped each other deal with some of the traumatic events of the last year. It was nice to at least have a friend again.

Even after I went back to the Alliance, we stayed in touch until Emma got deployed to help the new colony on Akuze six months later. She called a few times but Emma was really busying with the colony, so we didn't talk much.

Then my unit received a call from Hackett informing me to investigate a distress call from Akuze.

* * *

I was behind the wheel of the Mako, and it was a long drive to the distress signal. It was the most nerve-wracking experience of my life. I was terrified I was going to be caught in another battle with mercs and watch Emma get shot just like my father. I tried to shake the image of dad collapsing into my arms out of my head.

We almost passed the distress signal. Hell if we weren't checking the radar, we probably would have. It was really odd that no one else was around. Literally no one. I told Corporal Toombs to go check out the signal, as it was up on a small hill and I didn't want to try to get the Mako around that. Everyone complains about my driving as is. I parked at the bottom of the hill…. looking out over the large flat valley I was expecting the colony to be on, spotting a group of structures in the distance. _That must be the settlement._

"Um…Lieutenant. I found them." Toombs said into the com, breaking into my thoughts.

"What do you mean 'I found them'?"

"The colonists. They are here, just…buried" My heart sank like a rock. _No_, _this can't be real_.

I hopped out of the Mako and ran over to Toombs. As I reached the crest of the hill, I saw them. 40 graves surrounded the distress signal. I have no idea which one contained Emma. But whoever killed them, they knew Hackett would send me to investigate. They knew all about me. On the distress signal I saw the ring I gave Emma when we were 18. Slowly I plucked the ring off the metal signal. I gripped the small silver ring tightly in my hand. Emma wore this everyday and I knew she wouldn't have dropped it. She was lying in one of the unmarked graves. Gone from me forever.

I dropped to my knees, but the tears did not fall. I was completely numb.

* * *

After an hour on that hill, I pocketed my beloved's ring. I turned to Toombs, who had stoically remained quiet the whole time. I nodded my head in thanks. He gave me a kind smile; I knew he understood what I was going through. I put my hand on his shoulder and we made our way back to the Mako.

I decided we needed to check the actual settlement, to make sure there were no survivors. We were only a dozen miles or so away from the colony site. When we drove up to the structure it was obviously deserted. It was dark by that point and without power I couldn't check the settlement thoroughly so I decided we would wait and go through the buildings in the morning.

I couldn't sleep that night. Emma and Dad filled my thoughts. Then I felt a slight tremor in the ground. I shot up off of the cot. The tremors were getting stronger. I quickly grabbed the Carnifex off the ground beside my cot and ran outside of my tent. Right then the thresher maws hit.

Two of them started immediately spraying venom toward the camp. I dove at a large nearby rock, hoping to hide behind it. I smacked my chin against the rock face when I dove, causing it to split open and pour out blood. I closed my eyes briefly, trying to ignore the sharp, piercing pain lacing through my chin and jaw. I opened my eyes and saw the tents of my comrades beginning to disintegrate.

"GET OUT! THRESHER MAWS!" I shouted hoping someone would hear me and run. I got out from behind my cover and ran to the nearest test. I grabbed the two men sleeping inside and yanked them out into the open.

"Run!" I shoved them toward the rock I had hid behind. By then screams had begun to fill the air, as the dissolved tents started dripping venom onto the sleeping inhabitants. I was just about to run to another tent, when a thresher maw shot another bolt of venom at me. I rolled to the side. Although I was out of the direct line of fire, I was splashed when the venom slammed into the side of a tent. I screamed as my arm started burning when drops of acidic venom hit it. More soldiers were coming out of their tents, running and screaming, covered in huge wads of green slime that ate away at their flesh.

Another thresher approached the camp. Sucking in a deep breath. I dragged myself over to a cot tipped on its side, placing it between the thresher and me. It let loose it's venom …shooting out and hitting the side of another tent. I felt a rumble as the threshers ducked down into the ground. The cot received most of the venom splash, but then it started melting and I knew I had to move. _The Mako!_ I suddenly remember we had the Mako and as long as the threshers didn't crush it, we could escape. I ran down the row of tents, back to the rock I threw Kirt and Toombs behind. I saw Toombs holding onto Kirt, who was covered in slime, his body burning in the arms of his friend. Toombs eyes were closed. He was covered in venom too. I thought I had at least saved them. I hurried back to camp. I counted the bodies as I ran through, all faces obscured by the green venom. All of them. The threshers got all of them. The ground started rumbling again so I ran to the Mako. I hoped in and reached Hackett on the com. As I was driving away, I felt the ground explode as the threshers resurfaced.

"Get me the hell out of here!" I yelled at my commanding officer.

* * *

Those days on Akuze and Elysium were the worst in my life. I wanted nothing more to save those people. Dad, Emma, my unit. I failed them. But I won't let that happen again. With my N7 training, I feel like I am finally at my best. I think I will be a great addition to the Normandy crew and I hope Captain Anderson can see my dedication to our cause. I will do whatever I can to help our colonies. "

Shepard ran a shaky hand through her short brown hair.

"Well there you have it Doc. I know you've talked with Dr. Nelson and I hope I've passed my psych eval. I really am looking forward to serving on the Normandy if I can."

Dr. Chakwas rose from her seat across from Shepard. She extended her hand and flashed Shepard a kind smile.

"Yes between Dr. Nelson's report and what I just heard, even though you've been through some extremely traumatic events, I believe you are healthy enough to come aboard and be a part of this crew. Welcome aboard Commander"

Shepard reached out and firmly shook Chakwas' hand.

"Thank you so much for this opportunity."


	5. Chapter 5

_A Prothean beacon and an evaluation by a Spectre. I should've known this wasn't going to go smoothly,_ Shepard thought as the Normandy closed in on Drop Point 2. She groaned, rolled her shoulders and hopped off the ship. _Oh well, let's just secure this thing and get the hell out of here._

Kaiden Alenko and Richard Jenkins, the other two Alliance soldiers in her squad, quickly followed behind Shepard as they made their way towards the beacon coordinates. Shepard thought back to the vid the Normandy had receive shortly before reaching Eden Prime. Images of the ghostly black ship near the end of the transmission floated in Shepard's mind as they ran.

"Smells like smoke and death" Alenko grimaced as they reached the top of a small rocky hill, viewing out over the ruins of the colony below them. Jenkins was oddly silent, the young soldier normally full of chatter. Shepard turned to look at him and saw his face devoid of blood and his rifle shaking in his sweaty hands. Shepard followed his eyes and spotted the cause. Two disintegrated corpses, fried beyond recognition. Jenkins was from Eden Prime. Now he was witnessing its destruction at the hands of that ominous black machine. Shepard paused and cautiously put a hand on the young man's shoulder.

"Look I know this is going to be hard, but I need you to focus. We have to get to that beacon. You with me?"

Jenkins nodded slowly. Shepard didn't move until Jenkins' eyes met hers and he gave a firm nod. His jaw sent in determination. Shepard turned and continued their march. At a clearing, Shepard saw a glint of metal against the sunlight. She quickly motioned for Alenko and Jenkins to move forward, but on guard. As soon as Jenkins reached an open space, two recon droids darted out from behind a set of trees and shot him. Frying his shields and killing him before Shepard or Alenko could blink. Spurring into action, the two quickly blew the drones to bits.

"Ripped right through his shields. Never had a chance." As soon as Kaiden close Jenkins' eyes, Shepard shoved the emotion bubbling to the surface back into the recesses of her mind, but not before her father and Emma flashed before her eyes.

"We will make sure he gets a proper service, but right now I need you to stay focused. I can't lose you too."

"Aye, aye ma'am." Steeling themselves, the two soldiers headed up the incline, toward a tower of smoke in the distance.

Shepard took point as they made their way through the rocky terrain. At the top of the hill Shepard looked down and spied a small white and pink figure dashing up the slope. Behind her two geth soldiers were impaling a man on huge metal pole. _Geth? What the hell is going on?_ Shepard sprinted down the hill, shooting and taking out the geth as she went. She screeched to a halt in front of the armored woman.

"Thanks Commander. I didn't think I was going to make it." The woman gave a sharp salute, "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. You the one in charge here, ma'am?"

Shepard chuckled at Williams and her rigidity. The soldier stood impeccably straight. _P__robably military family,_ Shepard mused, remembering her own childhood aboard the Einstein. Williams' thick brown hair was pulled sharply back in a military-standard bun, her armor riddled with scorch marks from blasts and her murky brown eyes frantically searching Shepard's.

"At ease Chief. Are you wounded, Williams?" As Williams was nonchalantly explaining that she was fine, Shepard suddenly recognized her from the vid footage.

"Where's everyone else, Williams? Did any one else make it?" Shepard tried to ask this lightly, hoping the gunnery chief wouldn't think she was blaming her. Williams' eyes immediately shot down and studied her own boots.

"No. They were all killed. I don't know about any of the scientists or colonists, but it doesn't look good. The geth attacked so quickly. I'm the only one of my squad left."

"Hey. It is not your fault okay." Shepard said sternly, hoping Williams would react positively to her authoritative tone. "Look we need to find the Prothean beacon. Do you have any idea where it was being held or where we could find it?"

"The beacon was at the dig site this morning, so I imagine it would still be there. Here I can show you were it is."

* * *

Ashley led them through a geth ambush to the beacon dig site. _What do you know, it's missing. I'm sensing a trend here._ Shepard thought bitterly. Fortunately for Shepard, Ashley seemed to have a plan as to where it was taken. She hated trusting strangers but at this point Shepard was grateful someone seemed to have a good idea where the beacon could be. With Ashley guiding them, the small squad headed toward a nearby research base.

Black smoke billowed out from large chunks of debris as they neared the base. _Too late again. Dammit!_

"Looks like they hit the camp hard" Williams declared. Shepard could tell there was a slight strain to Ashley's voice as she struggled to keep her emotions in check.

"Let's go. There might be survivors" and with that Shepard started toward the camp.

As they inched closer one of the tall metallic pillars close by screeched as the metal pole lowered, bringing to the ground one of the impaled scientists. Only it wasn't a scientist anymore. An intricate web of wires and electricity held pieces of flesh and bones together. More machine than man. It's piercing electronic blue eyes wandered until it snapped to Shepard. Tightening her grip on her assault rifle, Shepard raised it and fired. The husk hobbled at lightning speed toward Shepard.

* * *

Once past the husks, there looked to be almost nothing left of the research camp. It had been virtually blown to shreds. Pieces of debris were scattered throughout, burning. Shepard spotted an intact research trailer and carefully decrypted the lock. The metal door opened with a sharp hiss and Shepard found herself stumbling upon two survivors. These two scientists had had it rough. The man clearly needed medication as he raved about the death of humanity, while the woman was struggling to keep herself composed. Her hands twisting around themselves in a nervous gesture. Fortunately, the woman knew the beacon was moved to the spaceport this morning for extraction. _At least we have a destination now. _ Shepard considered as they left the scientists' hideout. _'The age of humanity has ended… only ruin and corpses will remain'_ Dr. Manuel's words pounded through Shepard's brain. Her gut was telling her this guy was less crazy than he seemed. _Also what the hell was up with him spotting a turian before the attack_? Shepard decided to voice her concerns, trusting her instincts.

"Now I know Dr. Manuel seemed a little….off. But I don't like what he was saying about seeing a turian before the geth attack. Something went down here and I want everyone on high alert until we found out what the hell is going on. Clear?"

"Crystal"

"Aye aye ma'am"

Shepard gave a small grin and rolled her eyes at Williams.

The echo of a gunshot rippled through the air. Shepard's grin fell from her face as she made eye contact with Alenko and Williams, hurrying towards the foreboding sound. As they rounded a corner, the spaceport came into view. And behind it, the dark, black ship. Rising and glowing with red electric current. It was monstrous. It lifted up into the sky, leaving behind it a trail of thick smoke as it ascended beyond view. _Not good_. Deep, mechanical sounds filled the air, only to leave once the ship was out of sight.

As they moved closer to the spaceport a shot slammed into the rock face about Shepard's head. Dust and particulates rained down on her head as she immediately fired in response. She ducked behind a small boulder. Peeking out from behind safety she spied more husks and geth. Quickly Ashley and Shepard took out the husks, while Alenko pushed the geth back to the spaceport. As Shepard turned her attention on the geth, she spotted a body lying in the middle of the metal floor. _That better be a geth body_, she thought grimly. The geth slapped up two strong kinetic barriers. Shepard knew it would take some time to blast her way through those. A glint of metal caught her eye. _Containment cells. Perfect._ She aimed and squeezed the trigger firmly. The single bolt ripped through the cell casing, causing a release in energy that resulted in a huge fiery explosion. Shepard grinned harshly at the sight of the scattered geth remains, seeing not geth corpses but the shattered bodies of the mercs that killed her father. Her face falling into a somber stare as she lost herself in thought for a moment.

"Shepard? Are you okay? Look we need to keep going." Alenko put a hand on Shepard's shoulder causing her to jump as she was snapped out of her reverie.

"What? Yeah let's go." She shrugged Alenko's hand off her shoulder and quickly ran down the slope towards the body she spotted earlier.

"Commander. It's Nihlus" Kaiden's raspy voice muttered quietly. Shepard inched closer. _Whoever took down a Spectre is not someone to be trifled with. _Shepard flipped the body over and noticed a single gun shot to the back.

"Well who ever did this, Nihlus either trusted them, they were a professional assassin, or both" Shepard observed, "Either way it's not promising. Likely the geth are in league with them. This is a lot bigger than a simple pick-up mission." Shepard mumbled the last part, but saw Williams and Alenko nodding in agreement.

A small rustle came from behind nearby crates. Williams, Alenko and Shepard all snapped out their pistols and aimed at a man approaching them.

"Wait! Don't—Don't shoot! I'm one of you! I'm human." He quickly shouted with his hands raised in surrender.

"Sneaking up on us like that nearly got you killed!" Shepard reprimanded.

"I'm sorry. I was hiding. My name's Powell. I saw what happened to that turian. The other one shot him." Shepard took the news calmly. _Well that explains what Manuel saw, guess he wasn't so crazy_.

"I need to know how Nihlus died." Shepard said the words slow and deliberately; hoping Powell could enlighten them on how a Spectre was killed and what the hell was going on.

* * *

_Saren_. Shepard mulled the name over in her head. They had cleared the cargo train of even more geth, and now they had a few minutes of peace where the soldiers could regain their thoughts. _This 'mother ship' and Saren are not good news. This whole thing is a lot just for some Prothean beacon that could hold information on medicine or tech. There has to be something bigger. _The glazed eyes of Jenkins and Nihlus filled her mind's eye for a second. Shepard firmly shut her eyes, trying to block the images but instead two pairs of eyes swam up to the surface, one bright emerald, the other deep gold. Shepard snapped her eyes open, shook her head and focused on the trajectory of the cargo train.

As soon as the train docked, Alenko saw the demolition charges. _Shit, things just keep getting better and better with this one_, Shepard thought grimly as they moved to disable the bomb. _There's always more than one bomb too. _Shepard took a quick glance at the countdown before cutting power to the explosive. _4 minutes. Fuck_. They ran up the stairs beside them to a walkway and immediately were cannon fodder. Gunfire exploded around them. Shepard's shields were down before she could count to three. She ducked behind a large crate and slapped some medi-gel on her and Alenko. Williams kept up a steady stream of fire to keep the geth at bay. Shepard was scanning, looking for more charges.

She took off across a metal bridge to a parallel walkway as she spied one explosive tucked in the corner, slamming the butt of her rifle into the head of a geth shock trooper as she ran. Once that bomb was disabled, Shepard thought to check her radar, hoping the heat signatures from the explosives would register. Finally luck was on her side as two distinct blips flashed on her omni-tool, marking the remaining demolition charges. Shepard quickly surmised she had about 3 minutes left. She didn't pause for any more thought, instead turning around and firing upon the remaining geth that were blocking her path to the two explosives.

Shepard was running to cover closer to a demolition charge when a shot ripped through her shield and left shoulder. She quickly dove behind the cover with Williams close on her tail. Searing pain gripped Shepard as Williams kept up a steady assault with her weapon. Shepard covered her shoulder in medi-gel, grimacing as the gunshot wound burned with the anti-septic in the gel. _Chakwas is going to hate me when we get back_. Shepard smirked and gripped her rifle with both hands. Her shoulder ached with the additional weight but it would hold. Shepard popped out from behind cover, steadied herself and took a single shot all within seconds. The recoil from the gun reverberated through her injured shoulder causing her to cry out in pain. A geth sniper had their scope set on Shepard, ready to take the shot. Shepard looked up and saw the red laser pointing right at her chest. _Fuck_. A gunshot rang out. Shepard peeled her eyes open slowly and saw Williams standing there with a slightly smoking gun and a smirk.

"I owe you one, Chief" Shepard grinned at Williams.

"You owe me like five. Not that I was counting, Commander" And with that Shepard found and dismantled the last of the charges. She peered over to the right of the walkway and spotted the beacon. There it was. The single item that started this whole mess. After finishing off the last of the geth troopers and a few husks, Shepard and her squad eased down a ramp toward the glowing beacon. Shepard stopped her approach and activated the com on her helmet.

"Normandy the beacon is secure…"

Kaiden was intrigued, head tilted with curiosity as continued inching toward the beacon for a closer examination. Then the glowing brightened and Kaiden felt a pull, like he was being sucked in. He started to panic, crying out in fear.

Shepard vaulted to Kaiden, grabbed and threw him out of the beam's gravity. Suddenly she was lifted up into the air. Her mind viciously assaulted with images of torture and suffering. She pitched forward and grabbed her head against the pain. Abruptly the beacon burst with energy and Shepard was thrown to the ground, unconscious.


End file.
